Because of You - Kelly Crarkson

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

reflection

rainy day at Bukittinggi

quote from Sjuman Djaya

Jangan kamu coba-coba membaca sastra, tapi biarkan sastra membacamu

-Sjuman Djaya-

Sedikit Keluhan Untuk Diri Sendiri

Semua orang memiliki mimpi, termasuk juga aku. Aku selalu suka mimpi, dan mimpi-mimpiku pasti punya alasan. Semenjak TK aku sudah bermimpi menjadi seorang pramugari, alasannya karena pekerjaan sebagai pramugari memungkinkanku untuk jalan-jalan keliling Indonesia ataupun keliling dunia tanpa harus mengeluarkan uang banyak alias gratis. Beranjak SMA aku ingin sekali menjadi seorang arsitek, alasanya karena aku ingin sekali memiliki rumah yang aku rancang sendiri pembuatannya. Namun, ketika memasuki bangku kuliah aku punya mimpi untuk menjadi seorang penulis. Kali ini alasannya karena aku merasa memiliki sedikit bakat di bidang tersebut. Aku bisa bilang begitu karena aku baru menyadari, bahwa sejak SD aku bersama seorang sahabat yang juga adalah teman sebangku, sering mengarang lirik lagu yang iramanya diambil dari lagu-lagu yang sudah populer. Lalu tanpa sadar setiap kali sedang dalam suatu keadaan emosi tertentu, aku selalu menuangkan perasaan dan ide-ideku lewat kata-kata hingga menjadi sebuah puisi.

Namun, hingga kini tidak ada satupun dari mimpi-mimpi itu yang sudah terwujud. Semua mimpi itu hanya menetap dan berkembang di khayalanku saja, karena aku merasa tidak cukup mampu untuk menjadikannya nyata. Aku terlalu takut untuk mencoba, dan aku tidak pernah cukup keras untuk berusaha meraihnya. Semua niat dan tekad yang aku bangun bisa lenyap seketika di awal usaha, aku tidak punya cukup dukungan untuk diriku sendiri. Sehingga semua mimpi-mimpi yang aku ciptakan di khayalan hanya mampu bertahan disana.

Selama ini aku hidup menjalani apa yang ada, tidak ada sesuatu yang istimewa dan bisa dibanggakan dalam hidupku. Alur hidupku memang tidak mundur, namun tidak juga pernah maju, hanya mandeg ditengah-tengah kehidupan yang datar tanpa ada tantangan dan hal-hal baru yang bisa membuat aku bersemangat dan selalu tak sabar menunggu hari esok.

Aku selalu iri melihat teman-teman dan orang-orang disekitarku yang memiliki kehidupan seperti yang mereka inginkan. Mengapa aku tidak bisa seperti mereka yang gigih berjuang meraih mimpi demi masa depanku sendiri? Mengapa aku tidak bisa seperti mereka yang bahagia menjalani kehidupan persis seperti di mimpi mereka? Sedangkan hingga saat ini aku hanya bisa meratapi diri karena aku hanya mampu bermimpi tanpa berani untuk mewujudkannya..

Freckless - Natasha Bedingfield

I used to care so much about what others think about
Almost didn’t have a thought of my own
The slightest remark would make me embark
On a journey of self doubt
But that was a while ago
This girl has got stronger
If I knew then what I know now
I would have told myself don’t worry any longer it's okay

Cause a face without freckles is like a sky without the stars
Why waste a second not loving who you are?
Those little imperfections make you beautiful, loveable, valuable
They show your personality inside your heart
Reflecting who you are

I wondered if I could trade my body with somebody else in magazines
With the whole world full at my feet
A phantom worthy and would blame my failures on the ugliness I could see
When the mirror looked at me
Sometimes I still feel like the little girl who doesn’t belong in her own world
But im getting better
I'm reminding myself

That a face without freckles is like a sky without the stars
Why waste a second not loving who you are?
Those little imperfections make you beautiful, loveable, valuable
They show your personality inside your heart
Reflecting who you are

Cause a face without freckles is like a sky without the stars
Why waste a second not loving who you are?
Those little imperfections make you beautiful, lovable, valuable
They show your personality inside your heart
Reflecting who you are

Happy - Natasha Bedingfield

Ooh…. Oooooohhh
landlords Knocking at my door cussing me out
got laid off my job the night before
can’t figure how
I’m gonna fix tomorrow away
If today’s still a mess
Can u tell me what’s the point man
It all seems meaningless
I wish that I could step away and breathe
This world’s trying to swallow me
Clear away the clouds inside my head

Someone just tell me
That it’s ok now
What are you worried about

Got my dreams, got my life, got my love
Got my friends got the sunshine above
Why am I making this hard on myself
When there’s so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy

People lie, people hide, people cry, people fight

And they don’t know why
If fear is all that we should fear
Then what are we so afraid of
Cause fear is only in our heads

Someone please say…
That it’s ok now
What are you worried about

Got my dreams, got my life, got my love
Got my friends got the sunshine above
Why am I making this hard on myself
When there’s so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy

any day i'll go bad thinking bad
everyone is against me and the world wants to fight me
preparing to battle an enemy unseen
during my stressing I’m blinded to the lesson
that could be a blessing if I’d be confessing that the enemy
I’m trying to beat is hiding inside of me

But it’s ok now…what are you worrying about

Keep your grind on girl…it’s your love, it’s your world…